Please Forgive Me
by DeathByMushrooms
Summary: Who knew that a funeral would spark old feelings? No one. Sponteaously asked questions, and aroused emotions. Songfic to "Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams.


A/N: I really, really, really believe I'd ship Remus with anyone. I'm not kidding. I'd read anything with Remus in it, so long as the writing style is...uhh...good. Yeah. So, this is a short lil' songfic about our dear Remy! Oh, and the lovely Narcissa Black-Malfoy. :) Oh yeah, I'm a huge Bryan Adams fan. If you don't like it, go to Hell.  
  
A/A/A/N (Another Annoying Author's Note): If anyone out there knows why FFN won't accept my italics or paragraphs (like, when I list (as in the lyrics), it always runs the things being listed together) correctly, please tell me! I can't get it to do anything. Hmph. I have Word, it just... won't take anything. Bleh.  
  
Brittany, this is for you. No one else was 'dying here!' lol.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything/one, it's all from the mind of the spectacular J.K. Rowling! The song, Please Forgive Me belongs to the equally wonderful Bryan Adams. It was written by Bryan Adams and R.J. Lange. There ya go.  
  
*It still feels like our first night together  
  
Feels like the first kiss and it's gettin' better baby  
  
No one can better this  
  
I'm still holdin' on and you're still the one  
  
The first time our eyes met - it's the same feelin' I get  
  
Only feels much stronger - I wanna love ya longer  
  
You still turn the fire on...*  
  
The War was over. I would be able to live life normally. Well, as normal as my life would ever be. James, Sirius, Peter - all dead. I hated attending their funerals, that was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. And so was this. This was terribly hard for me to do. But I had to do it. If not for my well-being, but for hers.  
  
She looked upon me as a werewolf now, not as Remus Lupin, Gryffindor Prefect, or anything besides...just werewolf. I was guessing that was all I would ever be to her, but I was not about to say that to her. Not here. Not when she was mourning the death of her husband - if 'mourning' was the right word, that is.  
  
Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if she had not have been forced to marry Lucius. Would I be the father of the boy Harry hated so much? My Harry - the son of my best friend, the boy whom I now looked upon as a son - was I betraying him by loving her? I hoped not, but I could not promise anything.  
  
"Mrs. Malfoy," I said courteously, sitting down in the second row, directly behind her.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Lupin." It was as if she had never met me. Never said a word to me. I was just a face in the crowd. Just another lost soul begging for her attention. But that was not me at all.  
  
There were a million responses I could come up with, just to those three words. A million different ways to tell her the truth. A million different ways to apologize. Instead, I took the easy road. Two words, cut and dry.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
*So if you're feelin' lonely ... don't  
  
You're the only one I'd ever want  
  
I only wanna make it good  
  
So if I love ya a little more than i should...*  
  
"It's not your fault, Mr. Lupin." I hated that. Did she have to call me Mr. Lupin as though I had never spoken a word to her in my life?  
  
"Mrs. Malfoy, this is really quite asinine. It's Remus." Another thing I hated was telling her my name. Telling her my name was like starting over. I did not want to start over, not completely. Starting over would mean falling in love again - being hurt again. I did not want the latter to burden her.  
  
I could have sworn a small smile flashed across her face. When she looked up at me, she said, "Remus. why did you come here tonight? Surely not to see... him...?"  
  
I frowned slightly. She knew why I was here, it was just her subtle confirmation. "'Cissa, you know why I'm here. I want to be forgiven. I really do."  
  
"Forgiven for what? It was my family. They were horrible to me, Remus. They would disown me if I did not marry a 'respectable' man like Lucius. Disowning me would mean throwing me on the street with nothing. And by nothing, Remus, I mean absolutely nothing."  
  
I saw the tears in her eyes.  
  
"Then I should have fought for you! I should have put my foot down against your parents. It was a pathetic thing for me to do, Cissa, you and I both know it," I said softly, placing my hand on her arm.  
  
"It's not your fault," she repeated. I could hear the hurt in her voice, I could see it in her steel-gray eyes.  
  
"I apologize," I said simply.  
  
"Are you sure you know what you're apologizing for?"  
  
Please forgive me - I know not what i do  
  
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you  
  
don't deny me - this pain I'm going through  
  
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do  
  
Please believe me - every word i say is true  
  
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you  
  
I felt the frown line I already wore crease even deeper on my forehead. "I know what I'm apologizing for, Narcissa."  
  
"What makes you so sure?" The tears were back. I hated seeing her hurt, but this was mandatory for the both of us, I was sure.  
  
"Because I need your forgiveness. For one thing..." My sentence trailed. I wanted her know what I meant without telling her, but things were not looking in my favor.  
  
"What's that, Remus?"  
  
I bowed my head. Now or never. I chose the former.  
  
"I love you, Cissa. I shouldn't, and I know it. Especially after Lucius. After you married him, gave him a son - I should have just given up on you. It's not healthy to seek refuge inside yourself, and love someone you can't have for twenty years, praying it would all turn out right. It just isn't healthy, especially for a werewolf.  
  
"After all these years, I thought you deserved an apology for my behavior years ago. You weren't happy. You told me that when you invited me here. You weren't happy, I knew you weren't happy, and it was all my fault. I could have had you, if I was willing to fight for you. I don't know why, but I wasn't." I paused. "I am now."  
  
She smiled at me. It was not a piteous smile, it was a smile of acceptance. I was accepted.  
  
*Still feels like our best times are together  
  
Feels like the first touch  
  
We're still gettin' closer baby  
  
Can't get close enough  
  
I'm still holdin' on - you're still number one  
  
I remember the smell of your skin  
  
I remember everything  
  
I remember all your moves - I remember you, yeah  
  
I remember the nights - ya know I still do*  
  
I took her outside after I had confessed everything to her. I felt free, freer than I had felt in over twenty years. It was like we were together again, back at Hogwarts, the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin.  
  
"Remus - " she started, but I put a finger to her lips, and she stopped in mid sentence.  
  
I shook my head, as if that made up for twenty years of tortured silence between us.  
  
"We're supposed to go on, Ciss, but I can't do that, knowing that you're here. Knowing that there's no one in my way. I can't put up with the guilt I've been feeling. I need you with me."  
  
She smiled, enveloping me in her arms. My heart swelled with long since thought-lost love. I placed my hands on the back of her head, and kissed her delicately on the top of her head. Years of emotion came rushing back into me as I relived the night, twenty years ago, when I was sure she was lost forever. I mused the memory of Lucius Malfoy taking her away from me, when she pulled me, if possible, even closer to her.  
  
"I need you too," she whispered in my ear.  
  
*So if you're feeling lonely... don't  
  
You're the only one I'd ever want  
  
I only wanna make it good  
  
So if I love ya a little more than I should*  
  
We sat there for little over an hour, but it seemed like days. The last time I felt anywhere near this happy was the moment when I realized Sirius was innocent. We talked to ages, and I suddenly comprehended something: *she still loved me*.  
  
As she finished laughing over something Draco had once done, I sighed deeply. I was not sure how to say something like this. I did not know how to ask such questions.  
  
"Cissa..." I said slowly. This was not promising to be simple. "I love you, you know that, don't you?"  
  
She smiled curiously. "Of course I know that, Rem."  
  
I nodded my head slowly. "Do you... do you love me, Ciss?"  
  
Her expression melted into one of thought. I sat there on that bench outside the funeral home for seconds that were more like years, praying that she would say validate my expectations.  
  
"Remus, I thought you knew I loved you," she said, looking intently at me, expecting me to say something.  
  
I did.  
  
"Why can't we be together, then?"  
  
"Who said we couldn't?"  
  
Good point. Who had said we could not be together? No one. What I done next was completely unplanned, something I would not have considered doing in a million years - at least, not after Lucius happened.  
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
*Please forgive me - I know not what I do  
  
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you  
  
Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through  
  
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do  
  
Please believe me - every word i say is true  
  
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you*  
  
*She* did not seem shocked.  
  
She wrapped her arms back around me, and kissed my cheek. "Remus Lupin..." Her voice was muffled, as her head was buried on my shoulder. "I have waited twenty years for you to say that." She looked up at me, slid her arms down to the small of my back, pulling me closer to her than I had been in countless years. "Of course I'll marry you."  
  
My knees almost gave way right then and there. It was amazing how spontaneous statements and questions could change your life forever. Questions like, "Will you marry me?" outside the funeral home where your lover's husband's wake was in process - those could definitely be considered spontaneous.  
  
I never wanted to let her go, I just wanted to stand there, in the cool air of that September night, letting the thought of finally being with her sink deeply into me; through my ears, and deep, down into my heart. It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever had, and I did not want to let it escape me, like I had allowed her to slip through my fingers.  
  
"I love you," she said, now resting her head gently on my shoulder.  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
*One thing I'm sure of - is the way we make love  
  
And the one thing I depend on  
  
Is for us to stay strong  
  
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'  
  
That's why I'm sayin'...*  
  
We eventually sat back down. The subject of her son came up.  
  
"Remus, you were Draco's professor. He won't... I don't know if he'll..." she mused, her sentence left hanging in the chilly air.  
  
I bit my lip. Draco had not liked me particularly, but did he not have a tendency to hate everyone Harry was close with, or respected? He would have to get used to us: I let Draco's father have his way with her, but I would not let Draco do the same.  
  
"Cissa, it doesn't matter. He'll like me. I promise he will." I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingers. I was not sure if Draco would grow to like me, but she did not know that.  
  
She smiled a comforted smile. "I'm sure he will."  
  
*Please forgive me I know not what I do  
  
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you  
  
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through  
  
Please forgive me if I need ya like i do  
  
Please believe me, every word i say is true  
  
Please forgive me If I can't stop lovin' you  
  
Never leave me I don't know what I'd do  
  
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you*  
  
It was not until that conversation that I realized Draco was inside, and he would have to come out sometime. He did.  
  
He came out and took a package of Muggle things from his robes James had once given me - cigarettes. He took out his wand and lit it, and placed it in his mouth. The two of us looked upon Draco. We came to an unspoken agreement: we had to tell Draco now.  
  
"Draco, honey?" she said.  
  
"Mum?" said Draco, quickly pulling the cigarette out of his mouth and walking in our direction. "Who's that with you?" he said as his eyes squinted at my figure sitting to her left.  
  
"I need to talk to you about - "  
  
"Lupin?" said Draco before she could finish her sentence. "What the bloody hell are you doing out here with 'Lupin' on the night of my father's funeral?"  
  
"Honey - " she pleaded, but Draco would not hear anything from her.  
  
"Are you involved with him? What the hell is going on here?"  
  
I mustered up every bit of my feelings for Lucius Malfoy and shot them at his son.  
  
"Draco," I said, "we are involved. As a matter of fact, we're in love. You'll just have to get used to it."  
  
*The War was over. I would be able to live life normally. Well, as normal as my life would ever be. James, Sirius, Peter - all dead. I hated attending their funerals, that was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. And so was this. This was terribly hard for me to do. But I had to do it. If not for my well-being, but for hers.*  
  
Fin  
  
A/N: Please review. It took some effort putting this together for FFN specifically. Bloody thing. Bah.  
  
*~LTDan~* 


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